I used to look back on the year that was with some modicum of regret at the things I did not get done and there were always many and many were correctable if I had only been…
So I continue that practice first, because those things I did not do in 2012 can be accomplished in 2013. I can look back at the flaws of the year as a challenge, however, and not a regret. Because if I have learned anything over the last few years, it is not to regret anything because what is done is done and cannot be regretted away. So this list of things is not of regrets, but rather those things still yet to do:
- Have a healthy body…and yes, this includes losing weight. Something about the winter season seems to include gaining weight, which I seem to have done with some great success. And this is a promise I make to myself every year and have yet to keep. This year I keep it because on my path to self-improvement and enlightenment, this is one of the last great steps and I will take it.
- Procrastinate less…I say less because it is unreasonable to say not at all. I’m not Hamlet continually putting off until tomorrow what I could be doing today, but I am skilled at last minute heroics and I would like to see what happens if I do things right away rather than later…at least more of the time.
- Lighten up. I’m a very serious person and seemingly get more so as the years roll on. For my kids, I need to be playful and fun more often than not. They need to know that I am there for them for anything, including just wrestling every now and again.
- Clean more…just because I work a lot of hours away from the house doesn’t excuse me from being more on top of things at home. But this goes back to the procrastination thing.
There’s my current list of things to do and why yet I live to say this thing’s to do sith I have cause and will and strength and means to do it.
But oh, 2012, I have done some good here yet.
I published my second novel and that’s no small feat. If you’ve written a novel or more, you’ll understand the triumph of this. If all goes well, I’ll have my third out this year and it is one of the things in my life of which I have rightfully taken some pride, my ability to start and finish these works and believe in their quality.
And there was that little matter of a surgery. Not so little, really. Some may try to downplay it, but for me it is still an amazing thing to be able to live a life where I can know something like peace with myself. To say that GRS is unimportant or unnecessary is not to need it as I did. Simply. I can do something as simple as pee and not be bothered, pained, by the presence of what was once there and is no longer. It’s an amazing thing. I know what it is not to wonder if life would be better because I know and it is. Life is better now. Living is simpler now. I can think about other things and do.
I began a new journey in learning, discovering the world of Educational Information and Technology. I’ll have my MS in it this year, but more importantly, I see where my field is heading and I believe in it and believe that we can make changes now that will pay dividends in the present and future, but we need more believers. Right now, most pay lip service to it, but few actually commit to changing their practice to do what is best for the students. I feel like a revolutionary and wish only to have Eponine’s waist (and voice). I will fight for this in some area or find new areas to explore.
Finally, I’ve come to terms with who I am in this world and found the terms for who that person is. I’m trans and say it proudly because to do otherwise would be to feel shame and I am unashamed of who I am. I will continue to live and love and be myself always.
So goodbye 2012. A good year. One of my best. A year that promises better years to come and I embrace them as I did this one.