‘This thing’s to do.’

So here I am, a few day’s shy of a year after GRS, and I’m mostly good with where everything is in my life…mostly. The thing is, as I become more and more comfortable in my skin and embrace just being, there are still edges that need shaping, things to do so that I no longer have to ask myself if there are any things left to do.

For starters, I’ve been overweight for years and, as such, my neck has been covered by a layer or two of fat that has kept whatever I might have that resembles an Adam’s Apple hidden from view. But over the last 5 months, I’ve been very committed to a slow and steady weight loss plan, using the LoseIt app on my phone (and their website…I so recommend this site. It works if you use it and if you need something to report to everyday. It keeps you honest with yourself.). And I’ve lost 25lbs thus far. I still have a ways to go, but I am happier with my body. But I do see that layer of fat around my neck receding and I’m afraid that when I near my goal weight, that which has been hidden shall be revealed. I’ve already checked with Meltzer (his office is 30 minutes away from my home) and I’m looking at around $3,500 for the tracheal shave.

This bit worries me most of all because if I lose all the weight I want to lose and suddenly my svelte neck reveals what I would prefer remain hidden, I would suddenly have this horrible indicator which, for the moment, I do not. It is worrisome and, as such, I worry.

Yet another fun expenditure! And I’m all out of student loans to procure…

Oh, and there’s the hair. At work, I wear a wig that blends well with my hair to cover up the age related damage. When not at work, I generally wear a head band or a scarf and my hair stylist and I have found a nice look with bangs that works for me. But I do wish I could eschew the bands and scarves. That means a transplant and that’s around $10K.

Did I mention I’m a teacher?

Those are the major things. I still check in for electrolysis for an hour a month and one or two places still have the old name and I’m still holding off on the birth certificate (partially because of the cost and partially because California has a bill in the works to simplify the change – which will cost substantially less).

The thing is, as long as there are things to do, I won’t really feel like I’m done with this. I’d really like to be done with this and if I had the cash, I would be, which I suppose puts me in the same boat as anyone else who would be done if not for money.

So it goes.


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